Dear fellow survivors, one of the things I recommend in order to heal, is to read/watch up on narcissism and covert narcissism…. I believe many of us suffer from such, and understanding it more deeply helps us feel less alone AND better equipped to deal with and thus make the right decisions surrounding it.
This post (below) popped up on my facebook wall and I wanted to share, credit goes to “Viral Video.34“
Here is their post:
The narcissist has trained the entire family, by example, how to treat you.
Once you’ve been labeled as the “difficult one,” the “dramatic one,” or simply “the problem,” that branding sticks like glue. It doesn’t matter how much you sacrifice, how many times you bite your tongue, or how hard you work to maintain peace—the narrative has already been written, and in that story, you’re always the villain.
The narcissist doesn’t have to smear your name with outright lies; often, it’s subtle—a raised eyebrow, a sigh, a carefully chosen moment of silence, or a dramatic retelling of events where they conveniently leave out their own behavior. Over time, the rest of the family learns how to follow that lead. They mirror the narcissist’s attitudes toward you, often without realizing they’re doing it. Mocking you becomes casual. Dismissing your feelings becomes routine. Siding against you becomes expected.
It’s not just siblings or parents—it spreads like poison through spouses, cousins, in-laws, even family friends who weren’t there to witness what really happened. Suddenly, you’re being judged, talked about, and treated with contempt by people who never took the time to understand your side. You’re told to “let it go,” “stop overreacting,” or “just keep the peace,” while your pain is ignored and invalidated.
And when you finally find the strength to speak up, set boundaries, or walk away, they call you cold, selfish, or bitter. They accuse you of tearing the family apart, when all you ever wanted was to stop being treated like less than human.
But here’s the truth: it’s not your job to keep playing a role in a broken dynamic. You don’t owe anyone silence at the expense of your sanity. Walking away from that kind of emotional abuse isn’t betrayal—it’s self-respect. Let them talk. Let them misunderstand. Let them call you the villain. Because peace is found not in their approval, but in your freedom.
I remember my ‘mother’ sharing a voice message I left her, in which I was asking her why she wasn’t showing up in light of my revelations, why she was so absent, so this voice message was listened to by her family as proof of how controlling and unreasonable I apparently was…
I remember when I said “I’m going to go public with my revelations” and she said “but Daniel – you’re supposed to protect me”
I remember my mother over the years saying to me on occasion “Daniel, you’re just like your father” which once used to make me explode into rage and hurt… when I queried her at a calmer time why she would say something so HURTFUL, her response would be along the lines of “Daniel I can sense that you’re angry, I’m just helping to get the anger out of you”
I know my outbursts were used against me in the eyes of others by her, I know now for years she was spreading rumours and stories about me to her family.
Do you know, that part of the way I survived the horrors my ‘father’ subjected me to, was by vowing that I’d be NOTHING like him… my mother as all covert narcs are, was an expert at isolating and provoking the single most painful wound to be poked at, to reactively abuse me for her own gain.
A classic narcissistic enabler in my estimation…
I remember my so called father, calling me manipulative when I said to him (via email) in a moment of doubt “maybe you weren’t involved dad, but I KNOW something happened and that means friends of yours at the very least were involved”
And so they give you the clues as to how you are spoken of behind your own back, so they show their hand.
I remember the utter silence of my extended ‘family’ in light of my revelations, no one checking in, or extending support… just silence… cousins, aunts, uncles who I had loved and known my whole life, completely silent, STILL I haven’t heard ONE word from any of them…
I remember my brothers who I loved so much, who as it turns out I gave so much to protect, siding with my ‘mother’ and ‘father’ against me…
Still my family refer to the ‘sickness’ I carried in my head, which yes admittedly I did gradually descend into delusion, grandiosity and psychosis… and so I gave them the perfect excuse to disavow ALL that I disclosed, STILL they are unable to concede that there is ANY validity to ANY of my revelations of CSA and SRA suffered as a boy.
All of these are but a tiny snapshot of classic narcissistic family dynamics which surrounded me and filled me with doubt and worry throughout my life – BUT I don’t have anything to do with them anymore, and my life IS better for it, sad as it is at times it is for the best.
IF any of this resonates with YOU and your story… I want you to know you are not alone in this, and that healing is possible, especially with boundaries in place and understanding of such personality disorders/dynamics, it is possible to become whole once again, but only by first removing oneself from the toxicity that allowed such abuse to occur unabated in the first place, away from those who excused and permitted and allowed such horror to be wrought onto an innocent child.
Dear Brother, dear Sister… you are not alone, and my love goes out to you all – thankyou for reading
Daniel