Dear Brothers and Sisters, I know it’s a LOT to ask, or to even suggest… and for much of my life I have been SO against forgiveness, believing it to be a control mechanism upon society – so that we don’t seek justice against those who do wrong, or fearing that in forgiving I’d be excusing those who commit evil, or even that I’d be betraying those who suffered and even died along side me…
I have come to see – that forgiveness sets us free, that holding onto pain and a desire for vengeance can destroy ones self much more surely than those we harbour resentment against.. Don’t become lost like I did, seek the way that sets you free…
Precursor part 1:
I highly recommend that FIRST (especially in matters of CSA/SRA) appropriate boundaries are in place, i.e. no contact with necessary parties. And that a good amount of healing work and processing has been done before hand… IF we try to forgive too soon or without appropriate boundaries, it can be immensely damaging… THEN when you are (kinda) ready. Follow these 7 steps:
Precursor part 2:
Use/exchange the appropriate name; Father / Mother / Jesus / Holy Spirit / Allah / God / Gaia / Earth / Creator / Universe / Love etc… (whatever deity resonates for you, apologies, I know some survivors have really bad associations with Christianity, no offence is intended, but I go with that as a default as I am a Christian nowadays).
ONE
make a decision: look back at every difficult situation and make a choice to forgive the people involved. First step towards praying the most powerful prayer “forgive them Father they know not what they do.”
TWO
Make a list: if you have made a choice to forgive make a list of everyone you need to forgive.
For me:
- The beast
- so called father
- so called mother
- etc..
THREE
Start to forgive: as you go down the list remind yourself of what it is they have done and say the following prayer – “I now chose to forgive xyz for xyz, and I release xyz into the freedom of my forgiveness.”
FOUR
Ask God to set you free: You can do this after each prayer of forgiveness or at the end of the list.
“I ask now that You would set me free from every ungodly influence that xyz has had on my life. Please cut the ropes that have held me tightly to the pain of the past.”
FIVE
Say you are sorry for blaming God: If at various times of your life you have blamed God for things that you now know were not his responsibility, you will want to tell him you are sorry and ask him to forgive you. You can use words like these:
“I am sorry God, for blaming you for the bad things that have happened in my life. I now know You did not want these things to happen. Please forgive me.”
SIX
Pray the most powerful prayer on Earth: forgiveness is an act of love, not of justice. When Jesus prayed “father forgive them for they know not what they do” (Luke 23:34), there was no sin, unforgiveness, resentment, bitterness, or ungodly anger in his heart. He was free to be able to pray this most amazing prayer with a pure heart even in the midst of his own pain.
SEVEN
Pray that Jesus will forgive them: Pray that those who have hurt you will be forgiven for everything they have done. When you forgive, God will release healing into the consequences of your past and will work miracles that will transform every area of your life.
Dear Brothers and Sisters, fellow survivors, I hope this post finds you when YOU are ready to step through this door, I’m not saying it should be rushed BUT it IS an important part of our healing journey, all my love goes out to you, be well, and be safe – Daniel