Blog
The Anchor of My Healing: I No Longer Need to Punish Myself to Prove the Truth
There are some beliefs we carry that don’t feel like thoughts—they feel like survival.For much of my life, I believed that if I was happy, I was betraying the truth of what had been done to me. That if I found peace, I was letting my abusers go unpunished. That if I...
The after effects of publishing my interviews and asking for help.
So woohoo, I’ve done it, the two main interviews (Part 1 and Part 2), and as big as that if not bigger, the release of footage of body memories from my first two (of three) MDMA treatments… have been released!Before doing so so much fear and anxiety was stirred, now...
The golden ones
I relived this when I relived the first time I was raped, about four years ago now… I wont say here what was being done to me, but I know from a smell that I gave off during the reliving that I was young enough to smell like a baby… At some point during the horror of...
The fear I feel in preparation of releasing my interview
I’m currently processing/editing/viewing the two videos from my two part interview about surviving CSA and SRA. (Part 1 is about my background, history, and the recovery of my memories - my story of abuse. Part 2 is about my descent into psychosis, my eventual arrest...
Forgiveness part deux
So it's been a journey this process of forgiveness, not easy. But it feels worthwhile... prompted initially among other things; therapy and a spirituality group where I learned that according to God, it is a sin to not forgive. While I'm not a strict Christian I feel...
We all have a duty to HEAL
What was done to us is not our fault, no child is to blame for suffering such evil, despite what our abusers might say. So we are not to blame, a child is the most innocent thing in all the world, and so incredibly dependant upon their caregivers. But as we grow...
YES you are a SURVIVOR
Some who have suffered CSA/SRA don't feel themselves to be a survivor, sometimes because they are barely surviving, because their life is a mess, because they want to self delete, because they can't bear to go on, or feel overwhelmed with self disgust and shame and so...
We are ALL heroes
CSA is the most terrible evil it is possible to suffer. The combination of perceived physical threat, forced and coerced sexual conduct, overwhelming power differentials and the pure innocence of a child marks just how SEVERELY evil such abuse is. If you imagine the...
All suffering is relative
The sharing of stories here is done so with the aim of inspiring and assisting other survivors. However it can be natural to compare ones own story to another's, and even to consider that we didn't have it 'so bad,' compared to the others, and so we then diminish our...