Blog
The seven steps of forgiveness
Dear Brothers and Sisters, I know it's a LOT to ask, or to even suggest... and for much of my life I have been SO against forgiveness, believing it to be a control mechanism upon society - so that we don't seek justice against those who do wrong, or fearing that in...
A bit about narcissistic family dynamics
Dear fellow survivors, one of the things I recommend in order to heal, is to read/watch up on narcissism and covert narcissism.... I believe many of us suffer from such, and understanding it more deeply helps us feel less alone AND better equipped to deal with and...
The Anchor of My Healing: I No Longer Need to Punish Myself to Prove the Truth
There are some beliefs we carry that don’t feel like thoughts—they feel like survival.For much of my life, I believed that if I was happy, I was betraying the truth of what had been done to me. That if I found peace, I was letting my abusers go unpunished. That if I...
The after effects of publishing my interviews and asking for help.
So woohoo, I’ve done it, the two main interviews (Part 1 and Part 2), and as big as that if not bigger, the release of footage of body memories from my first two (of three) MDMA treatments… have been released!Before doing so so much fear and anxiety was stirred, now...
The golden ones
I relived this when I relived the first time I was raped, about four years ago now… I wont say here what was being done to me, but I know from a smell that I gave off during the reliving that I was young enough to smell like a baby… At some point during the horror of...
The fear I feel in preparation of releasing my interview
I’m currently processing/editing/viewing the two videos from my two part interview about surviving CSA and SRA. (Part 1 is about my background, history, and the recovery of my memories - my story of abuse. Part 2 is about my descent into psychosis, my eventual arrest...
Forgiveness part deux
So it's been a journey this process of forgiveness, not easy. But it feels worthwhile... prompted initially among other things; therapy and a spirituality group where I learned that according to God, it is a sin to not forgive. While I'm not a strict Christian I feel...
We all have a duty to HEAL
What was done to us is not our fault, no child is to blame for suffering such evil, despite what our abusers might say. So we are not to blame, a child is the most innocent thing in all the world, and so incredibly dependant upon their caregivers. But as we grow...
YES you are a SURVIVOR
Some who have suffered CSA/SRA don't feel themselves to be a survivor, sometimes because they are barely surviving, because their life is a mess, because they want to self delete, because they can't bear to go on, or feel overwhelmed with self disgust and shame and so...